8dp5dt- The wait so far

I have been avoiding posting any thing about my wait as I have been feeling a bit numb about the whole thing and didn't want to post anything depressing.

I want to be positive and hopeful but I have been finding it hard. I know I need to be postive and trust God - but I still can't shake the sad feeling about my other embryos not making it and the worry about this cycle not working.

I want so much to feel positive!!! I want so much to be pregnant ! Please God take away my anxieties and help me trust you....and have peace about it all.

I go for my blood test tomorrow. But yesterday I gave in and bought 2 preg tests .

I POAS yesterday and POAS today - both were negative :(

I woke up this morning with spotting and had slight cramping. So between the tests and the spotting I don't have much hope.

Tomorrow is a big day!!! Not only do I have the test in the morning but then I have family functions all day and will get the call with my blood test results during a big family lunch to celebrate my sisters graduation. Plus in he evening we have some very exciting things on (which i'll post about tomorrow cause it's a secret at the moment :))

It's not the best timing and I thought about postponing the blood test until Monday. Anyway i've decided to keep the blood test time tomorrow because it is the not knowing that i'm finding the hardest.

Once I know for sure what the outcome is , then I can at least move on and start planning for my next cycle and get on with my life.

Sorry if the this post is a bit of a downer....


Sending hugs, thoughts and prayers to you all....