Thank You

Thanks so much for all your comments- it was so great to share the news with you. I did another test this morning. It is still a really light line. I hope that's normal and that it gets darker soon! My Beta is on Monday...

I have a secret....

 I just got this!!!!!

It's faint but it's there! Easier to see in real life...

I did an FET last Friday  and have been meaning to blog about it  (but we all know by now that i'm the worlds slackest blogger). Today I caved and went and POAS - I was going to wait until Sunday. It is very faint but there is a line that came up straight away. I didn't pee on it for the whole 5 seconds as I was so desperate to test but didn't really need to pee.  I just managed to force out a few drops.

Now you guys are the first to know! My DH is away on a Mens weekend with church - they are camping on the beach on an island. With no phone coverage :-(  That's why I was supposed to wait until Sunday. How am I going to contain myself until then! At least I have some time to plan how I will tell him - i'm sure I will of accumulated a million sticks to present to him by then...

Please God let this one stick! May this please be our long awaited little miracle or miracles....

It was negative. I'm so sad but have had to push the pain down deep and keep smiling for now. My sister is getting married this weekend and I am a bridesmaid. Bittersweet times. I always thought I would be pregnant for the wedding. A beautiful big baby bump. I spent so much time worrying about the choice of dress incase i was too big. All that worry for nothing. Today at a family breakfast someone unexpectedly asked if they could pray for me. The tears started to well and I gulped back a huge sob-quickly pushing it back down. At least I feel she cares- when I feel others avoid the issue. There is a fountain of grief buried deep within my soul -threatening to break through at any moment. It bubbles at the surface for brief moments before I swallow it back down. Unless i'm alone - then i'm a mess. Gotta keep smiling right. It will happen. Stay positive. Blah blah blah.

I don't have much computer time during the day, and then I waste it by playing mind numbing tetris or farmville. Not much time for blogging or much motivation.

My plan for now is to see the Doc next week. I think my endo and adhesions may be back as i've had pelvic pain. Depending on what he says, I will either do another natural FET or...Take a month off to try and lose some weight and get my fitness back up or....Do another Stim cycle to beat the January price rises due to the government safety net changes.

My thoughts and prayers are will all those who are sharing this journey. My heartaches to know that all around the world there are others going through this same pain- and others who are experiencing greater pain and loss. There is so much tradegy in the world. It overwhelms me - this deep sadness. At the same time I know I have so much to be thankful for and will keep trusting in the Lord no matter what. Infertility will not defeat us! For now I will be sad, grieve the hope and dreams lost. Then dust my self off and keep on walking this walk....

a quick note

FET went well. 2 blasts on board! Now the wait :-)

Feeling sleepy so will post more another time....

Another FET....

My FET is tomorrow. I have been feeling very anxious all week! I don't really have much to write - I just really hope it works and that I don't have another loss. I have taken a blogging break over the last few weeks, mostly because i've been so busy but also because i'm trying to give myself a mental break from all things IF. You are all in my thoughts and I look forward to having the next few days off so I can catch up my blog reading...

While I wait

I heard this song while watching 'Fireproof' and it really moved me.

'While I'm Waiting' by John Waller.

FET Day 1

• Surprise for me! AF started yesterday afternoon so today is Day 1


• I had an my infectious diseases bloodtest today at the clinic - it was supposed to be taken a few weeks ago but since finding my veins is such a mission they decided to skip the extra blood drawing when I had my final HCG test and spare me the extra misery. So today I had the blood taken - NOT FUN! I seem to freak the nurses out with my invisible veins. I even drank 2 L of water before to try and help. The first nurse poked and prodded and got a tiny bit of blood but then nothing - and then Nurse#2 came in and had a go. I left in tears-not just from needles but it ALL just got to me today. Anxiety I thinks....


• I met with my Dr. to discuss cycle - until this morning I was still swinging between doing a natural FET or another HRT FET. Anyway after talking to him I will be doing a natural FET with added progesterone support. I feel good about this but it makes planning things around work a bit more stressful since I can't give much notice for appointments and i'm on a roster. Praying that things fall into place...


• Started up acupuncture again this afternoon- LOVE IT! So relaxing I fell asleep :-)


• Had our church small group at our house tonight. Ate yummy pizza and watched 'Fireproof' which I'd seen before but loved watching again.I highly recommend it.

Despite my lack of commenting, please know I am still reading along and you are in my thoughts. I will slowly be catching up on commenting :-)

Thanks for those who leave me their sweet comments - they mean the world to me!